Warded

So there have been a lack of posts here, specifically because Thursday night I attempted suicide. I spent Friday in the ER, and Saturday to Tuesday in a psychiatric hospital. Wednesday was spent at an acute partial treatment program, which I'll discuss in another post.

I've been thinking long and hard about how to describe my time in the ward, and for now I'll keep things simple--I'm posting this from my Blackberry, so a long, in-depth post isn't going to happen today. Tomorrow, maybe, or the next day. Not today.

I went to the ward willingly. I knew I needed it, and I did well there. I was incredibly unwilling to leave because of the support I got from the other patients and the fact the staff kept a safe environment in which I was able to cope with things better. The doctor, however, was terrible, disrespectful, and the type of man who I do not think has any business around people with mental health problems. I think there requires a certain level of respect and understanding a psychiatric doctor needs. By no means do I think they should treat patients with kid gloves, or coddle them, but just because I suffer from depression does not mean I am stupid, nor do I think it's appropriate for a doctor to purposely try to upset a patient, which was what this doctor was known for.

For the past month my depression has been well-recorded by various mental health professionals, who have been nothing less than respectful, taking what I safe seriously and creating a safe space to speak my mind. In this psychiatrist's office there was no "safe space", and everything I said was thrown back at me, with the intention of getting me upset--which, admittedly, worked, and when I got upset the doctor threatened to keep me there as an involuntary patient (I went in as an voluntary) and then informed me he did not think I actually had depression or suicidal thoughts, that instead I just thought this was a game. That crossed the line for me. I yelled. We fought, and I demanded to be discharged because I no longer felt like I could manage well in a place where he was a doctor. I was.

My time in the hospital was primarily a positive experience, but the doctor was the one dark spot on my stay.